Convertible Bed in Form of Upright Piano
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snoozing peacefully in this bed when it violently snaps shut and starts playing gymnopedie no. 1 amidst the sounds of me desperately calmoring to escape
ID: A screenshot of a Tiktok video, showing a Black person standing against a wall, staring into the camera. In the middle of the screen is text reading: "Anyone else having a hard time raising their mom?!!!! That lady don't listen"
End ID.
so background. my fiancée and my mom have been calling each other “BFF” since we started dating over 5 years ago. like that was my mom’s contact name in Selena’s phone for half a decade.
anyway we just got engaged a few days ago, and now the two of them want to update their nicknames to reflect that. and. well. hold on i gotta gear up for this one
they have decided on “mother in law forever” and “daughter in law forever.” fucking. MILF and DILF. yes they are both FULLY aware of what those mean and not even god and his angels can make them stop
can someone please mercy kill me
update! you haven’t experienced horror until your partner greets your mother by screaming “hi milf!!!” across a crowded pride festival!
people should talk about parenting like they talk about professional sports. you can do this if you work really hard and sacrifice your body and your sleep and other passions and activities. you've got to really want it. you've got to want it more than anything else. and 70% of the people who THINK they want to be parents actually look at the hard work and think. ok. nevermind i will be a childless barista (equally noble passion). and i think everyone should cheer and clap when parents bring their children home like they would if they won olympic gold. this would fix a lot about society
I have a soft spot for the weird tradition of having the actual artists record gibberish versions of songs for sims soundtracks because it enabled me to do this awful bit where I'd randomly insert a simlish version of a track into a playlist and see how long it took people to ask what the fuck was going on
dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning
so who’s on first?
That’s right 👍🏻
that’s strange
No, he’s on second.
Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?
No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.
Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?
Naturally.
Who?
Naturally.
So Naturally is the first baseman?
No. The first baseman is Who.
Well I don’t know that so how’s about you tell me?
House is on Third.
I’m not asking you about third base I’m asking you about first base.
Who’s on first!
This is horrible
Dr Horrible is the pitcher, not first base
That’s not what I’m asking about! No!
Dr No is in the outfield, but let’s not worry about them right now.
they should invent a january that doesn’t make you go through every emotion known to mankind every day